I don't know what has been up with me these past few...weeks, this past month or so...however long it has been that I've been feeling the way I have. The good news is, is that I'm finally sick of sitting around moping and having pity parties. I just don't really know what to do now.
I use to be really close with my family, and all of it fell apart incredibly fast. Or, you know what? Maybe I was never close with my family, and all this being apart from them made me realize it. Either way, it's no fun. I hardly ever see my sister anymore, and she's changed a whole lot. I suppose I have as well. I never see my mother, and when I do, I just kind of ignore her anyway, so that's my fault. And my dad is just really annoying.
I honestly believe that being around here is just no good for me. Kermit is full of suck. My parents work all the time. My sister never talks to me anymore. And I love him and he hurt me so much...But you know what's so funny about all of this? It's mostly all my fault.
I'm getting frustrated and I'm trying not to let it show. I'm just trying to remain aloof. I don't even talk to anyone about any of this and I wish I could talk to someone trustworthy, someone who wouldn't go blab to someone else about it or call me stupid for feeling the way I feel. And I don't want to talk to my parents about it. I just...don't. I just want to talk to someone about this because honestly, I'm sick of having these random emotional outbursts. It's getting old.
All I know is that I'm ready for college. I'm afraid of it, but I'm really excited. And I hope I get my head straight by then. Like I said, I know being here isn't any good for me, because I sit here, day after day, all by myself. And I think too much about the wrong things. And not enough about the right things. I really, really need to get my head straight. And I'm trying.
I could have went to the Half Blood Prince premiere but I thought I was going to Orientation. My family...they've known about this forever, and they had planned out everything last minute. But...no, didn't go. So missed out on it. I was really looking forward to it. So that was something else that made me frustrated. Really...really frustrated.
Eh, this is long enough. I don't know what else to say really.
30 Day Drawing Challenge: Big Finish Days 25-30
10 years ago
Finding that best friend in the whole world or someone you can open up to is just as hard as finding that one person your heart melts for. Getting out of Kermit will free you of the same old routine, and the same old people you see. When we head to Marshall, sure, we may break up, but we'll always have those same memories to hold on to. The chances of getting close have almost passed, really, and it's time to open your mind to the new people that we'll meet on campus.
ReplyDeleteThere will be a huge variety of people, too, not just the Tug Valley variety where it's typical. When you go to Marshall, it would be almost impossible to find someone to talk to, or sit with hours. You gotta throw yourself out there, not talking prostitute wise, but be more open minded and let people in, taking the risk of getting hurt. It will take countless of tries, and you will get hurt numerous of times, but still, at least you can said you tried. Never give up.
I'm always here for you too, if you want to talk about something or other or want my opinion on. For what it's worth anyways, lol. What I think isn't high and mighty, but it's just a different outlook on things. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you more, and I do hope the best for you through the summer. Just think of it as a huge mud hole that you gotta trudge through to get to the good stuff.
Also, CONCERT. Think about the concert. It'll get you out of the house, and we'll get to hang like homies. It will be a blast, and I can't wait to hang with you and Crystal again, lol. It has been forever since I've seen the face of a friend, and I've neglected it due to spending time with Steve. I'm still trying to find that balance. D= But when I do, I'll def head to Kermit with my rockband, and we'll all jam out all night at Crystal's.